Well, I figured it was a matter of time before it happened, but the playful remarks from family have finally peaked enough interest in Tinkerbell to put the following item on the table. She wants to have another baby. My initial gut reaction was to say "No", but I was political about it and said let me think about it. Having a child is a huge decision and should never be taken lightly, in any circumstance. For me, however, it's a huge decision that I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with for quite some time yet. Here's the tale of the tape:
1 - Before I got married, I honestly wanted about 4 kids. I wanted two boys and two girls.
2 - I love kids and would love to have a baby brother or sister for my daughter to play with
3 - My daughter is the only grandchild in the family so the grandparents would love to have more.
Those are the pros. Now, here are some reasons to explain my apprehension:
1 - I haven't reached a point where I feel emotionally attached enough to want to be intimate with Tinkerbell, let alone make an attempt at more children
2 - I'm still, from time to time, contemplating whether we should even be together. It's not fair to Tinkerbell, and especially a baby, to try to get pregnant when those thoughts are still in my head.
3 - If I am, in fact, trying to make this work for the sake of my daughter, why add more pressure to the situation.
Now, if you stack these lists up, it seems obvious that the smart decision is to wait, plain and simple. But, at a time where I'm trying to show that I do want to work on "us", how does one go about saying, "I don't want to have another child with you. At least for the moment."
Not easy words to say, let alone here. As it is, I'm running out of excuses for not being intimate. I don't want to hurt Tinkerbell, I honestly don't. But I also don't want to risk getting pregnant again.
6 comments on Any Input Appreciated.....
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Either be honest now - before another life is created; or be honest later when there are two children who's future is in your hands......
Honesty is harder in the short run, but best in the long run.
Good luck - whatever your decision might be.
Having and raising a child with someone is the ultimate act of intimacy, not even trumped by the intimacy of creating the child. Intimacy requires trust.
If there's a lack of trust in the relationship, barring that intimacy, it seems like having another child is like shutting the barn door after the horse has already escaped.
In my humble opinion I would suggest you listen very closely to your gut and stay very true to yourself. That's not selfish, it's smart.
I admire your honesty.
Good luck to you
Queenie - I agree, honesty is certainly the best policy. The hard part is walking the fine line between "postponing" and "denying" a second child.
Beanworship - Thanks so much for your kind words. My gut tells me no, but I would like to leave the door open. How I do that without pushing Tinkerbell away will require plenty thought and delicate tact.
Being honest with tinkerbell is the way to go, if you love the person & they love you back, you can climb the mountains in front of you together. Let them know that you feel the timing isn't quite right. Bringing a child into the world without being ready for it, is never a good thing. Keeping you in my prayers.
Maria
If you are not ready, then wait. If it is meant to be, it will be. Talk things through as much as you can with her. Be kind and understanding and hopefully she will be the same to you.
Good luck
This is a hard situation - but there are other things to think about - or at least I would. Having another child would benefit your already precious daughter- keeping the siblings together is a plus also- and not waiting so there is a huge age difference is good for the children. I understand your thoughts also on not bringing another child into a already hurting family- another child won't make things better for the family - it doesn't fix the already there issues. Take your time- a child is truly a gift from god and you already are aware of that - its wonderful to plan and think things out! Good luck! You'll make the right decision for your family!